Oh My God! You Killed Fuery!
by Tallest Phoenix
Summary: The most random oneshot crackfic you'll ever read. Fuery is killed, Ed has magical midget powers, and the colonel is stalked by a cat who is determined to get one of his cheesey poofs.


**I decided to give you guys one last little fic before I have to get off the computer and go to school. That WRETCHED place!! I spit in its general direction!! PTOO!! See? I just did!! ARGH!! School, a nicer word for jail.**

**This is a crack fic, yes indeed. It is crack-olicious. Very much so. Just one last attempt to make you people laugh before they drag me off to the big house. Hold on, one last little tidbit of information: Did you know that my high school is built in the shape of a giant pot leaf? Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!**

Once apon a time, there lived two brothers. One of them was chibi-fied and just a little TOO nice, and the other was loud mouthed and very very very VERY short. That brother was the older brother, and he was SOOO much shorter than his little brother that the said little brother had to look through a magnifying glass to even see him, and every time the said little brother called him 'Big Brother' someone would start laughing. He was so incredibly tiny that he had to look up to see down, and he rode on ants like—

"SHUT UP!!!!!" yelled the older brother. Well, it looks like 'Operation: Piss Ed off' is a success.

Anyway, the two brothers were named Edward and Alphonse Elric. They were alchemists, and…. Okay. If you don't know the story, then why are you reading this? Get the hell out of here!

And Al had his body for whatever reason, and Ed really got screwed, because I doubt he'll be getting his limbs back, like ever. I mean, GOSH, Arakawa sensei!! Do you hate him or something?

Well, on with the crack fic. The brothers were doing… something. I don't know what, and to be honest, I really don't care. But Al had brought in a random kitty and was begging Ed to let him keep it.

"But, Brotherrrrrrrrr~~!!!"

"But nothing!" said Ed. "We're not keeping a cat!"

"Why nooooot?!!"

"Because cats are EVIL!"

"Please, Brother?"

"No!"

"Please?"

"No!!"

"Pleeeeease??"  
"NO!!"  
And then Al brought out the heavy artillery: huge sad chibi eyes."Pleeease?"

"Argh!!" Ed looked away, shielding his face. "No, not-!" He sighed. "Fine, Al. But only if we can eat it."

Al frowned. "We're not eating it, Brother," he said flatly.

"Then we can't keep it." Ed took the cat over to the window and threw it out. Or at least… he tried to. The cat clung to his arm with incredible force, claws digging into the blonde's arm. And it was the real one… "OW!! Stupid cat!! Let go!!" He shook his arm, causing the cat's claws to go deeper. "PHOENIX!! Why in the hell did you make it my real arm?!!" Hey, you know, I'm just the writer. Don't yell at _me_. "LIKE HELL I WON'T!! You just like seeing me in pain!!" Haha, scream for me bitch… Oh, uh, no I don't. "FUCK YOU!!"

Al sighed. "Language, Brother." Yeah, Ed, language.

Ed made a very weird angry noise that was somewhere between a growl, a yell, and a very loud squeak, then fell out of the window and landed on Fuery, killing him.

"Brother! Are you okay?!"

"Uh, yeah. But I think I killed Fuery."

"Oh."

There was a long silence.

"Are you gonna say it?" asked Al. "If you don't, I will, but either way it has to be said."

Ed shrugged. "Ah, I'll let you do it."

"Oh my God, you killed Fuery!!!!" exclaimed Al.

The cat ran away. Lt. Hawkeye was crossing the street. "You bastard!" she called calmly, and kept on walking.

Ed flew back up to the window using his magical midget powers.

"I do NOT have magical midget powers!!!!!"

"He transmuted a ladder…"

Ahem. So after flying up with his magical midget powers, which he does indeed have…

"NO I DON'T!!"

YOU'RE LYING!! LIES, IT'S ALL LIES!! After flying up with the midget powers, Ed climbed inside and looked at Al. "See? That's why you can't have a cat. They kill Fuery."

"But… What if I don't care if Fuery gets killed?"

"Then you will turn into a HAMSTER!!"

Al gasped. "NOOOESSSS!!!" And then he tried to force himself to care about Fuery's demise, no matter how unimportant it was. Ed laughed quietly at the sheer stupidity of his younger brother.

And then a random short person-shorter than Ed even- with black hair flew inside the room and bitch-slapped Ed. "BAD!!"

"What?!! Who the hell are you??!!"

The girl posed like a weird mixture of Sailor Moon and Haruhi Suzumiya and yelled. "I is SUPER SEIYAN FANGIRL BECKY!! I am sworn to squee over Al, Death the Kid, Kenny McCormick, Zim, Nny, AND MANY OTHERS!! Now I flee!!" She then flew back out the window leaving the two brothers to stare.

"Al has fangirls?" asked Ed. Al smacked him on the head. "OW~!! What was that for?!"

"I have fangirls!!"

"Well, it's news to me!!" He got smacked again.

Meanwhile, at the RoyCave

The colonel stared at the small cat that was now purring on his desk.

"WTF?"

The cat returned his stare wit huge green eyes.

"Where did you come from?" No answer, duh. He sighed. "Well, you are pretty cute."

Then Hawkeye walked in. "Are you almost done with your paperwork, sir?"

"What do YOU think, Lieutenant?!"

"Why do you have a cat?" the woman asked.

"Why do YOU keep questioning me? What is this, an interrogation? God, woman, get off my back!"

After a long pause, Hawkeye asked "Do you want some Cheesey Poofs?"

"Hell yeah I want some Cheesey Poofs!"

After a few minutes the lieutenant returned with Roy's poofs, and he began eating them.

The cat watched him intently. "Meow."

Roy frowned. "No, kitty! These are MY Cheesey Poofs!"

"Meow."

"No, kitty! MY Cheesey Poofs!"

"Meow."

"MINE, Kitty, MINE!"

"Meeeowww."  
"Fuck you, kitty!!"

Then the kitty turned into Blair from Soul Eater.

"OMG, it's a hot chick, OMG!!"

Blair was pissed off. "Pumpumkin pumkin!" And then she threw a pumpkin bomb at his head and it e'sploded, killing them both because she was too close. Yay, I just killed two birds with one stone…. Er, pumpkin bomb. Yay me! *claps*

And then Dib popped up from a hole in the ground and did a tapdance for no apparent reason.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* Wow that looks incredibly gay… 0_0

Phoenix was sitting in his chair at his desk laughing hysterically. His twin-but-shorter-than-him brother Kioku was nearby. "What is it?" he asked.

"Fufufu…" was the writer's only reply.

"Okay. Done yet?"

"Nnnooo..." Phoenix stopped typing for a moment to face his brother. "Did you know that our school is shaped like a pot leaf?"

"Who told you that?" asked Kioku raising an eyebrow.

"Um… Hm, who DID tell me that? Was it Angel… Or maybe Lily…"

His brother rolled his eyes. "Figures." He leaned on the back of Phoenix's chair looking at the computer screen. "Which series is this?"

"Full Metal…" the younger brother replied half-soullessly, typing away.

"Full Metal?" Kioku asked, eyes growing wide. "You mean, it's NOT Invader Zim?"

"Nope…"

"This is a rare event! We must celebrate! Who knows when this will happen again?"

Kioku grinned and blew on a little…. those things at parties you blow on and they go out and they hit people in the face if they get too close! He blew on one, and confetti and balloons rained from the sky. Music played and people randomly showed up and started dancing.

Phoenix frowned. "You don't have to throw a party for it! It's not THAT rare, is it?"

"Yes, that it is!"

Phoenix frowned, flipped him off, and left. He was only gone for a few seconds, however, when he came back in and tried to take his computer with him. After a few seconds of hopeless tugging, Phoenix sighed and gave up, sitting back down at his desk.

**The end. You like? If you like, review. AND IT'S NOT THAT RARE!! **

**But one more thing: Who's heard of Miku Hatsune? She has mostly cute songs, but some are just damned freaky, I'm sorry. As much as I love Miku, she has a spooky side that even I can't stand. "Darkwoods Circus" is slightly depressing and very eerie, because it's about a circus filled with freaks and how they're depressed. "Wide Knowledge of the Late, Madness" is about crazy people at an insane asylum who are experimented on and murdered in very Saw-inspired ways. At the end of the song, Miku said 'It's my turn next… I can't wait', and I was like 'NO!! Not my Miku!! Leave her alone, you bastards!!'. It really scared me a lot… That's why I wrote such a silly story. Thank the scary song.**

**I wonder if they do that at school…. Brr…!**


End file.
